I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
