Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
