this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
