No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
