i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
