margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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