no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
