I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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