A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
