Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
only you would photoshop your dick
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
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The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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