did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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