Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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