i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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