wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
