I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
