you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
