This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
