i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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