I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
