she looked like the bat from fern gully.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
be right there i have to get my cape
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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