You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
