We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize