i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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