So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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