dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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