The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
