i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
