Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
