just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
