I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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