I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
