i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
