So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
