remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
