I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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