Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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