Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
