i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
