Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
