she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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