Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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