Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
