he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
