I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
