i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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