great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
