good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
