i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
