Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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