I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
