She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize