and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
please come you make the beer taste better
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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