he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
