how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
