He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
