i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
