I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
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I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
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Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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