I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
