That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
