I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
