There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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