I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the day after is always just damage control
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready