dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed