There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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