how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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