you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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