I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
