I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
