R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
