I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
