I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
