I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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