you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
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Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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