So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
