Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
