umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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