he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
