Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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