We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
