Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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