he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
