just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
