you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
