So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
