SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
