dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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